FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.
2. Anita Bakery
3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night
4. Barber shop called Felix the Cut;
5. A coffee shop named Brews Almighty
6. Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.
7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing
8. A boutique called The Way We Wear
9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental
10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken
11.. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald's
12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts
13. A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll
14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.


Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish' - the Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:


15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu. The sign read and spelled, "We hab sopdrink in can an in batol?"
16. Then, a sewing accessories shop spelled Bids and Pises. You mean Beads and Pieces? Lol!!!


There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to 'correct' them like.......


17. In a restaurant in Baguio City - Wanted: Boy Waitress. Lol!!!!
18. On a highway in Pampanga - We Make Modern Antique Furniture
19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan - We Shoot You While You Wait
20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila - Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier


Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:


21. A shoe store in Pangasinan - We Sell Imported Robber Shoes
22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads - House for Rent, Fully Furnaced
23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique - if not altogether odd.
City in southern Philippines - Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation
24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia - which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively believe it or not.

25. Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more efficient. The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words?

Says a reader who came across a sign..... House Fersallarend (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?

26. According to a Manila businessman, there is so much wit in the Philippines because? We are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive? We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.
27. A restaurant in Quezon City with the name - "Cooking Ng Ina Nyo!"
28. Because business was good, another restaurant on the next block opened with the name "Cooking Ng Ina Nyo Rin!"
29. A certain Susan opened a flower shop south of metro manila… and the name of the shop is "Susan's Roses"
30. A bakery named Bread Pitt

Did you know that...

* Cockroaches have fingers and nails?

* Rats are visual learners?

* Ballpens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas?

* The saliva of an ostrich is used in making cheese?


Amazing, isn't it?

All of which were only my inventions. Laughters.

Inexact answers for exact questions

Examples of inexact answers for exact questions:

Did you eat already?
I'm full.

Where's your mom?
Why ask?

What time is your class?
Later.

Where have you been?
I arrived a couple of minutes ago.

How was it done?
It's easy.

Why were you not around yesterday?
It was absent.

What time is it now?
It's still early.

Where are you now?
I'm on my way there.

Pinoy Signs

Posted outside a house in Jaro, Iloilo:

HOURSE FOR RENT, FULLY FURNACED
(Oh, it must really be hot in there.)

***

On a glass window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan:

WE SHOOT YOU WHILE YOU WAIT

***

Posted at a construction site in Mandaluyong:

BAWAL OMEHI DITO, ANG MAHULI BOG-BOG!

***

On the fence of a makeshift parking lot in Pasay:

PARKING PEE: P10

***

Printed on a streamer in front of a gym in Lucena City:

WE ALMOST HAVE COMPLETE SET OF GYM EQUIPMENTS
(Now, how's that for truth in advertising?)

***

In a supermarket in Baguio:

FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE

***

Outside a flower shop along Avenida Rizal:

WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS

***

In a bowling center in Congressional:

PARKING FOR COSTUMERS ONLY

***

In a restaurant in Cebu:

WE HAB SOP-DRINK IN CAN AN IN BATOL

Si Erap at si Mayor

Bilib daw
Erap - Pare, bilib ako sa bagong department store sa lugar namin.
Mayor - Bakit mo naman nasabi?
Erap - Pag di mo nagustuhan ang binili mo, ibabalik nila ang ibinayad mo.
Mayor: - Wala yan pare. Yung bagong hospital sa lugar namin pag di mo
nagustuhan ang serbisyo ng doctor ibabalik nila ang sakit mo.


Pautang
Mayor - Pare, pautang nman ng isang libo, babayaran ko pagdating ng
misis ko galing America.
Erap - Sure! Teka kelan ba ang dating ng misis mo?
Mayor - Di ko pa alam. Nag-apply pa lang siya ng US immigrant visa kahapon.


Mas malaki
Erap - Bakit mas malaki ang ambulance keysa jeep?
Mayor - Kase ang jeep nakapagsasakay lang ng sampu-sampu, ang
ambulance pwedeng magsakay ng 50-50.


May girlfriend na
Erap - Pare, sa wakas nagka-girlfriend na rin ako!
Mayor - Ha, sa tanda mong yan, ngayon ka lang nagka girlfried?
Erap - Oo, sa higpit kase ng misis ko ngayon lang ako nakalusot.

Totohanan

"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego

"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"
- Popcorn

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot

"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa

"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.
Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"
- Aircon

"Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sa pagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!"
- Christmas Tree.

"I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno
pipo!"
Manny Pacquiao.

"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me away just like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of
shit!"
- Tissue

"Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!"
- Golddilocks

"Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!"
- Jollibee

"Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Sa tuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagod
ako sa pagngiti!"
- Smiley

"You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, it wasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's
all your fault! You stabbed me with a knife!"
- Sibuyas

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.
Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil ba mas sweet ang iba?".
- Fruitcake

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.
Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo".
- ipis

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagod
na pagod na ako."
- Bola

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
- TV

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,
gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

Ang Uwak

Titser: Pedro i-English ito.

Pedro: What Ma'am?

Titser: Ang uwak ay hinang-hina, naglalakad-lakad.

Pedro: The wak wak, hu weak weak, woke woke.